Lilly Sway

Last month the rain limited my activities and created a daily challenge of staying dry as I tried to go about my daily tasks. One day in particular, I managed to get soaking wet twice despite the fact that I had taken an umbrella. (but when rain falls sideways…) I was doing my best to stay dry the first time as I was loading the groceries into my car in a downpour. Later, as I left the dry cleaners, someone in a hurry drove by and splashed through a puddle leaving me soaked. (I had to take the clothes right back) When I got home, I found the mail as wet as I was. Consequently, I put it in front of a fan to dry. When it flew across the table, it was dry. In my mail, there was a nasty, un-posted warning informing me that there was a complaint about the condition of my lawn. It went on to say that if the lawn was not mowed immediately, the neighborhood association could take legal action. (Did you know that they can actually seize your property for a late membership payment… my, the tangled webs we weave) I looked outside and observed that all of my neighbors’ lawns could use a little work. Obviously their landscapers did not cut the grass in the rain either. Our lawns are on a slope that causes the water to pool and there is always a need to wait a for a dry day before mowing, I suppose that I was passive regarding letter; however, I did make it a point to call the lawn service and asked them to come and mow on the first full day of sun. I was asleep when I recalled a jog that I had two days prior to the letter. I had the misfortune of running across THAT neighbor. (You know, we all have this neighbor, the one that has been there longer than anyone else, the know it all, the person who says: “You know we really should do something about Mr. Steven’s dog. Do you know that he barks right at me when I jog past? I think we need a petition or something.”) I never gave her a second thought until now, two days later at 3 in the morning. (What a dreadful person) This person had somehow managed to sneak into my home, through the mail, with full intent of malice. She had recommended a lawn service to me that day. I was not rude; I just said that I was happy with mine. It was perplexing to me. Was refusing her offer possibly rude? I thought not and was mad at this woman’s nerve by breakfast time. She was as domineering a person as you would ever want to have to deal with. Surely, this was not right. As I headed out to jog away my anger, I saw her pass. She slowed down and took advantage of the morning sun to see if I was complying. I decided to end her assumption of control there and then. I quickly caught up to her and began to match pace with her. She asked how I was. I said “not well” and with a look of concern, she asked what was wrong. I told her an ailment had struck me and was feeling bad. She stopped jogging and asked:

“Why are you even out here? Is there something I can do to help?” (She left the door wide open) I said: “Actually, you can” and proceeded to light into her. I asked “just how neighborly can one be? What is the limit of acceptable concern that one can take? What time frame do you have to follow to show that you are capable of being responsible for the condition of your own home? What gives you the right to be such a royal pain? We do our best to be solid citizens. Does that mean I have to beat to your drum? Good neighbor or bad neighbor from across the street, in the future you should avoid me like the plague.”

I guess it was a no win situation. I know that all obligations should be conducted in a timely manner; however, I also believe that people had better stand up for themselves and rise when being challenged. If one fails to do that, they are not looking at a critique of what someone believes to be wrong with what they are doing, but an order to which one must adapt right away. I made it a point to ask around, and no one else had received a letter that week. My family works hard, inside and outside of our home and maybe we’re not fast enough to get things done from someone else’s perspective, but what business does someone’s unsolicited opinion have in your own home. If you want to be a good neighbor; make a jello mold, wave to your neighbor, ask how the wife or husband is, say how their kids are growing up fast, attend neighborhood meetings, inform them of neighborhood crime that they may not be aware of, and be nice and invite them to a family cookout. This after all, is what trying to be a good neighbor means.

Food for the Mind,

Lilly Sway

The first day of school is around the corner and I have been more observant than usual of my surroundings, searching for insight. I went jogging this morning and I ran past a few kids smoking (something that smelled like the 70’s… or Keanu Reeves) on the jogging trail; they couldn’t be much older than my children. That afternoon, my family and I all went to the movies and there were a couple of teenage girls draped over guys definitely older than they. Surely they were not on a date. Our movie would have been awesome if the atmosphere was not so disturbing. A young girl was incessantly answering the phone and lying about her position in the mall. I wanted to grab that young girl’s phone and inform her mother about the positions that she was in. The movie ended and we headed home. That evening, I stopped at the local convenience store for a loaf of bread. Before I could enter, a suburban gangster wannabe approached me. He asked, “Yo, buy me some cigs and I’ll drop a Hamilton”. I said to him, “I know your mother, Andrew”. (He had a nametag on) I also said that I was going to call his mother. Then he called me a real bitch and some other things. I wish I really did know his mother. I was so livid that I almost forgot to buy that loaf of bread. On the way home I was reflecting on my day. There were a few questions that I could not escape from. “Who is in charge? What kind of parents could live with themselves, knowing that their children act like that? DO THEY EVEN KNOW!? Or are they under the assumption that their children are above reproach? Surely they cannot believe that. I know that they couldn’t possibly be afraid of embarrassing themselves by asking their kids those invasive questions like: “where are you going and what are you doing?”. Has being the cool parent overtaken being the responsible one? Maybe they don’t want to offend their kids. Maybe they really don’t want to know. I hope that they do. Am I to suppose that they think it’s all just OK, because their kids “really should know better”. Do parents still know that checking on their children’s plans is acceptable? Even though people have to work, they are still allowed to be in charge. Think about those kids I saw. They could be one of yours. Put your mind at ease and ask the next time, take a moment to check on your kids. You could be right everything could be “OK” but then again do you live your life based on improbabilities?

Food for the Mind,

Lilly Sway

The other day my children and I went out to the neighborhood park and we had the most amazing time ever. The park was full of familiar people that we knew from my children’s schools, the library, and the grocery store. Of course, there were people at the park that I had never seen before. After playing for most of the afternoon, we decided to rest on the grass and enjoy the park’s natural beauty. Well that did not last very long when a man’s voice interrupted the silence and asked: “May I use your cell phone, I need to call my wife?”. When I turned towards the man, I saw that his clothes were ragged and grass-stained and he appeared to be missing a hand. My son said: “Sure, Mr. Dwight. How is your daughter?”. Mr. Dwight said: “She’s fine, just back in town for spring break.” My son turned to me and winked to alleviate the look of confusion from my face. After making his phone call, Mr. Dwight was on his way. I was about to ask my twelve-year old what Mr. Dwight was doing in the park dressed as he was, but before I could, a loud woman with her dog in tow clenched my son by the arm and scolded him for encouraging “a hobo to approach residents of our fine community without fear” she then informed us that “people like him do not belong here” and said that she was on her way to report him to the local authorities. I approached the woman to collect my son from her grasp and was truly amazed at his response to her inflammatory statement. I stepped back as he asked her to kindly remove her hands from his arm. He then proceeded to enlighten her as to the fact that he was simply lending his cell phone to a neighbor that was gardening and had accidentally locked himself out; From the sewing room, his wife could not hear the doorbell. My son explained that he also helps Mr. Dwight with yard work every spring for the last 2 years. Subsequently, he pointed out that if her intent was to call the police, she might want to clean up the deposits her dog had left along the sidewalk and everywhere else in the park. The woman called my son a smart ass and informed that I should educate my children to have better manners when speaking to their elders. It was simply amazing to me that she had so quickly forgotten hers. (Hypocrisy anyone?) I just told her that I would try to do better. The fact that she was arrogent enough to judge without hesitation reinforced my belief that despite our supposed progress (socially, economically, culturally) we still do judge books by their covers.

Food for the mind,

Lilly Sway