Lilly Sway

I have sat and watched my two boys who are in grade school bicker and battle over just about anything, and it is of no surprise boys just are that way, I had 5 brothers and 8 uncles so I have seen it most of my life, but the other thing that I have grown to love about my boys, my brothers, my uncles, and my brothers in law is that no matter how bad the argument, they just seem to get over it and are usually the best of friends shortly afterwards. I was watching my sons argue over a certain game they are allowed to play only 1 hour and only if homework is finished first, we always set a timer and they usually play until the very last moment but the older of the two had become a little bored half way through the game and a fierce battle erupted the younger one sighting that if his brother felt that way about the game he should have had forethought enough to mention it before they were halfway into the game, starting a new game with only a half hour left was a waste of his time and no sooner said than a big battle was on, there were name calling ( like ignorant, dummy, and the one I here most often stupid), rolling bodies came right after the names and then I sent them to their room I heard a big thump , they share a room so they were not in there together but a moment and they had already picked up where they had left off I had a thought, when I entered the room and told them that they had 5 minutes to decide which of them would move to their older brothers room, he had left for college and that they should let me know which one would stay in the room they already occupied, I also informed them that this could not go on. I did not give them a chance to say a word and left them in there, I then shut the door behind me. (I must confess I sort of shut it loudly). 5 minutes came and went, and an hour had gone by still not a peep from that room. If you are a mother you always think the worst so I began imagining all these bad things that could have gone on. I went to their room and heard laughing when I opened the door I saw them playing a game of checkers absorbing the picture of perfection while trying to ignore it, they just said hi mom did you need something I shut the door and opened it again not once but twice had I entered the Twilight Zone? Were these the same two boys? So I just said who is moving out they looked at each other and the younger of the two said mom I can’t leave this room and the older replied the same before I could intervene my youngest said with the saddest face mom I love this guy I have lived with him all of my life and he is my best friend and that’s forever, so if one of us has to move we decided we are both going. And mom I’m begging you please don’t take my brother away from me we decided that we just won’t play that game anymore. I was left speechless and then I quietly shut the door and went and found my old family album I looked at all my brothers and uncles and remembered all of the fierce battles they fought, I remembered when they went away to the armed forces and that they did not all come back, I knew that they most assuredly had the same kind of brotherly love that my boys had shown me today. I did not make them move and I know that there are more battles to come, but for now all is quiet on the front.

Food for the Mind

Lilly’s Way

lillysway

You may find it amusing but my day today was not such a great day I had tried to leave the house in an orderly manner, early enough to reach the math tutor, choir practice, lunches, and I was somehow trying to beat the traffic hour, so I could get to the post office before the line was impossible, well my 8 year old decided to give back his breakfast that he scoffed down even after I warned him twice that he was not going to hold it down if he did not slow down, oh well he didn’t, gargling, a quick change of clothes and we still make it out of the door in good time or so I thought, maybe not the right time is what I should say because when I turned at the stop sign I turned right and went 2 blocks and was stopped, in the middle of my path was a woman that I often see walking her dog. I could not believe my eyes her dog was going (at traffic hour) right on the road and she let him, he was leashed but she had not tried to even move him off the road when he was in circles trying to make up his mind where I was being honked at by now, because now there was a long string of cars behind me, and as far as I could see past the sign. So I just could not join in on the honking because I was completely mesmerized by the woman’s indifference to everything going on around her the traffic that was oncoming had finally cleared so I contemplated crossing the yellow line as I live in a large neighborhood the has lawn service trucks, cable trucks, and on any given day someone is having their carpet cleaned so crossing the line to go around is almost impossible to avoid and I was now being yelled at to go just move it lady, I crossed the yellow line and went around the lady’s pet. I heard a lot of name calling shame on you the name callers, (that is what I was thinking) when I heard a sound that was the start of a siren go on and off twice I turned my head towards the noise an officer waving his finger at me in the child correction mode mouthing no no, I pointed at the dog in the road and as he pulled me over and then asked for my license and registration I motioned to him to look at the dog and asked are you going to give me a ticket ?, I am blocking everyone because of that dog and we can’t just sit and hold traffic up or was I supposed to. He then said that he was just going to warn me, and that I should know better than to cross the yellow line and take it upon myself to start a chain reaction he said look behind you now they all think they can do the same. I said again do you see the dog? He said this is only a warning ma’am I took the warning and left the dog scene seething, and of course we were all late for all of our morning obligations, because when a little something goes wrong in life it just seems to fester into a big something sometimes. I felt as if I should go right home and get under the covers but I continued on with my tasks I thought to myself no this day most certainly can not be a good one, I thought that because after being stuck in traffic half an hour I felt my lap wet and noticed the my coffee had over turned and the spill proof cap let it run all over my clothes It was not so bad because I was wearing black, but when I stepped outside of the car my shoe heel broke I was already at the post office which had a line that led outside of the door, I decided to try and make the best of it. I went in anyway, got my mail off to its perspective places but then I still had a box left in the car when I finally came out, 1 and a half hours later. I just said I’ll do that one tomorrow, As I got in the car I got a call that my son had accidentally sat in a bed of ants (he’s allergic) so I went directly back to where I began at the school, his first question was mom why are you not wearing shoes and what took you so long I was going to say something to the effect of having a bad day, but when I saw his big swollen hand and his big sad eyes, I just said never mind darling lets get you taken care of, so after treating him and putting him down for a nap I found that I had left the back door open ,because I had stepped on a pine cone and had hurt my foot. How you might wonder did I manage to just know that the door was not shut well I saw a big black furry thing run past me, it was a squirrel, yes it went straight for my kitchen I had no idea how scared he was when he saw me, but as for my fear I had it in check with my trusty broom in tow we ran around the kitchen, the living room, the garage, and finally he was out and gone I had not even noticed that my son was standing on the couch laughing at me and the squirrel. I had a mess to clean up and soon I realized the day was all but over and it was time to pick up my other children from school do my son and I packed a quick cooler with junk and two waters, off we went. I looked as if I had been in a brawl but there was no time to change I was in car rider line and when I had finished all of the rout to pick up and drop off all the car pool kids and my own children all I wanted was a bath and a warm cup of tea. I bathed drank my tea, and went to start supper I had a large crock pot so thank goodness I put roast to cook that morning, I just stood there thinking of that lady what was she thinking, why did she not even care to try and control the pet and keep him off the road the street she was on was long and grassy, maybe her intent was to just let him go in the road so she would not have to deal with the mess, and how could that officer chastise me for trying to alleviate the problem, I had no sooner finished steaming some nice potatoes and carrots when my husband came in from work and said that his day was the worst he’d had in a while, and that all he wanted to hear about was my great day, I told him that, well it was not very different from most days and put supper on the table it was my pot roast that was slow cooked to perfection, but when my son saw it he asked if I had cooked the squirrel, I just smiled and when my husband said what squirrel I just said to him my day was not such a great day, but I can tell you that it certainly was interesting.

Food for the Mind

Lilly’s Way

lillysway

I have often wondered when my teen would get to the no return zone the turmoil of hormone imbalances. I have been pretty fortunate up until recently that is, it finally happened and it came with a force of vengeance, three teens in the house and you can quickly find yourself in a mutiny so what do you do? well I grew up in a house full of children we were a large family and most everything was shared including the course of changes that growing up brings, so it was natural for me to draw from my experiences during my childhood to help in the disparity which we know as teen age waste land which I am now faced with on a day to day basis. I had been experiencing tugs and pulls with my children but nothing seemed too serious and then just as sure as night turns into day my whole world was turned upside down. My children were upset if I said they could not go some where or the other, I usually try to make it a point to make myself aware of what interests my kids or I keep up with the current places any kid could possibly be drawn to online, T.V., and local new teen hang out is and what it is about. It is common knowledge as to the hang outs for teens just ask your neighbor or a good friend where their kids are begging to be dropped off to every Saturday night and if you really pay close attention to the drama when you say I will not take you there, or you can not go this Saturday. You will know that is the one to avoid, the troublesome spots are where your kids will sell their souls to get to. I feel that one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make is to believe that common ( oh well it will be all right) my views are that nothing is just all right in the world of today you just can’t, our communities have tidal waves of children just on the brink of not only ruining their lives, by drugs, sex, violence, and a big host of teen pressure, but that we are complacent by letting them just go and find out that the choice was wrong, it is ridicules to believe it will all be just fine, well I have seen what the other side of the coin looks like I am sure that it would interest anyone who has children to take a little time to look at what interests their children have. I watched a juvenile detention program with my husband a couple of weeks ago, kids like mine and yours, this was the most eye opening program it let us view how teens think about violence, drugs, stealing, sex, mischief, not the big bad mean kids you already know are in trouble, but your everyday teen that gets into trouble and if this paper is not an alarm for you to wake up then, I guess you could take your chances. I can’t do that I choose to be pro-active when it comes to my children as my parents were when I was in their care. There are problems in the households of today and a lot of it is due to thinking oh well they have to learn sooner or later, some of you have forgotten how to take charge. Having children is a big task everyday, you must engage and interact I have but 18 short years to do my best at juggling work, meals, community interaction, school volunteering and by all means they are all important, but first and foremost is the job of raising my children and if you look around or hang around them you can see that our current society is lagging on that very basic chore. But I as a parent refuse to just think that my children will just be all right if I have not done the work and put in the time to make sure that it is almost impossible to have children fall into those so inviting traps. Only then I can truly say that I have done my very best. My mother often said that a job or obligation not done right or left uncompleted was as good as if it was done at all. I have tried to do everything with love and compassion when it comes to my children, and my goal for them is to be solid productive compassionate human beings, but I go further than that I actually take time for them and I do my best to guide them. I tell them everyday that we should apply knowledge to any problem before we act because as we all should know that when there is an action there will always be a reaction to the latter, and it may not always be what we wanted, so I have always used the premise that if my children are armed with knowledge they can succeed out in the real world, so then when my particular problem with one of my teens the most head strong of my children and I say this with loving memories of her not ever asking for help to tie her shoes which she did at two years, this same child who never asked for a snack, she just climbed up into the food pantry and took out what she wanted, this bright baby girl of 5 that packed up her suit case and decided that she was going on a trip to Hollywood to see if she could meet the real Barbie and convince her that all the dolls should have pets I laughed until the cab arrived for her the girl of mine had the tenacity that would keep me on my toes daily. My daughter had been constantly bombarding me with why, and why not, this child used tactics like well every one else is going, no one else has to do chores, there is no real reason you don’t let me go you just want to keep me in the house. I have a lot of home work all week I just want to have some kind of fun, I am bored to death why can’t you just let me go, you don’t love me, because if you did my friends wouldn’t think I’m such a loser, and how about the, If I clean my room and do my chores can I go. This child is 13 and not a month after her birthday she was asking if she could date. I thought well that takes the cake we have established rules in our household and they are there for the protection of the whole family as a guide so they can be healthy productive citizens I reminded her but then of course the times are changing and the phone can be used as a safety device or a device of moral destruction, so I started receiving all of these calls as to when my daughter could meet her friends at the local hang out, I had no idea my daughter knew so many teens and to my surprise some of the parents were asking if I was dropping my child off at the same time then they would be glad to either take my child or they would drive them there. I had turned off the phone after the 18^th call I granted my 12 year old daughter a cell phone although it was against my better judgment she had already been hard at work on that campaign with the safety issues of how I could call her immediately after school and pick her up precisely at any given point, how there would be no question of my accessibility to her whereabouts my husband had already lobbied her point the night before (dads and daughters that is a whole other story,) So for her 12^th birthday she got a cell phone I was sure that she was too young but the odds of winning that battle were against me safety won out hands down As I sat there listening to the long drawn out teen drama that was playing out in my living room I came to the conclusion that all the problem was that peer pressure had infiltrated my home not only had my daughter forgotten our rules but the people on the other side of the phone did not even know the rules so I was fighting a losing battle and I did not even know when peer pressure had managed to sneak in. Yes I was late to realize that the melodramatic situation of how I did not in my daughter’s words love her enough to be flexible was in full play. I was also in a battle with her friends who flanked her by the menacing questions of why can’t you go when her friends called. It came to me suddenly, yes the solution to the problem so I turned calmly towards my daughter and said you may hand me your phone, you may not go out to that teen place tonight, or even tomorrow night you may ask me again when you are 15 and then I may consider your growth in the mature department and then I will make that decision accordingly, I then proceeded to tell her that her room needed a good cleaning the dishes needed to be put up and that her laundry had to be folded and if she was still board that there was only the task of asking me and I would be more than happy to oblige her boredom with a list of what I had for her to do in chores. The whole room became silent she handed me the phone and the problem was solved, no not everyone was happy and I did not get a goodnight kiss or hug for a couple of weeks but the whole thing just went away as quietly as it had snuck into my home. I have my 13 year old back and she has somehow remembered that I was in charge I just plainly and simply said no and life goes on. I am preparing myself for the next time but the icing on the cake was that my daughter gave me a hug and a kiss the other night after I had given her phone back I also gave her rules to go with it, and every night since then I get the phone back at 9:00PM

Food for the Mind

Lilly’s Way

lillysway