Teen Drama
I have often wondered when my teen would get to the no return zone the turmoil of hormone imbalances. I have been pretty fortunate up until recently that is, it finally happened and it came with a force of vengeance, three teens in the house and you can quickly find yourself in a mutiny so what do you do? well I grew up in a house full of children we were a large family and most everything was shared including the course of changes that growing up brings, so it was natural for me to draw from my experiences during my childhood to help in the disparity which we know as teen age waste land which I am now faced with on a day to day basis. I had been experiencing tugs and pulls with my children but nothing seemed too serious and then just as sure as night turns into day my whole world was turned upside down. My children were upset if I said they could not go some where or the other, I usually try to make it a point to make myself aware of what interests my kids or I keep up with the current places any kid could possibly be drawn to online, T.V., and local new teen hang out is and what it is about. It is common knowledge as to the hang outs for teens just ask your neighbor or a good friend where their kids are begging to be dropped off to every Saturday night and if you really pay close attention to the drama when you say I will not take you there, or you can not go this Saturday. You will know that is the one to avoid, the troublesome spots are where your kids will sell their souls to get to. I feel that one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make is to believe that common ( oh well it will be all right) my views are that nothing is just all right in the world of today you just can’t, our communities have tidal waves of children just on the brink of not only ruining their lives, by drugs, sex, violence, and a big host of teen pressure, but that we are complacent by letting them just go and find out that the choice was wrong, it is ridicules to believe it will all be just fine, well I have seen what the other side of the coin looks like I am sure that it would interest anyone who has children to take a little time to look at what interests their children have. I watched a juvenile detention program with my husband a couple of weeks ago, kids like mine and yours, this was the most eye opening program it let us view how teens think about violence, drugs, stealing, sex, mischief, not the big bad mean kids you already know are in trouble, but your everyday teen that gets into trouble and if this paper is not an alarm for you to wake up then, I guess you could take your chances. I can’t do that I choose to be pro-active when it comes to my children as my parents were when I was in their care. There are problems in the households of today and a lot of it is due to thinking oh well they have to learn sooner or later, some of you have forgotten how to take charge. Having children is a big task everyday, you must engage and interact I have but 18 short years to do my best at juggling work, meals, community interaction, school volunteering and by all means they are all important, but first and foremost is the job of raising my children and if you look around or hang around them you can see that our current society is lagging on that very basic chore. But I as a parent refuse to just think that my children will just be all right if I have not done the work and put in the time to make sure that it is almost impossible to have children fall into those so inviting traps. Only then I can truly say that I have done my very best. My mother often said that a job or obligation not done right or left uncompleted was as good as if it was done at all. I have tried to do everything with love and compassion when it comes to my children, and my goal for them is to be solid productive compassionate human beings, but I go further than that I actually take time for them and I do my best to guide them. I tell them everyday that we should apply knowledge to any problem before we act because as we all should know that when there is an action there will always be a reaction to the latter, and it may not always be what we wanted, so I have always used the premise that if my children are armed with knowledge they can succeed out in the real world, so then when my particular problem with one of my teens the most head strong of my children and I say this with loving memories of her not ever asking for help to tie her shoes which she did at two years, this same child who never asked for a snack, she just climbed up into the food pantry and took out what she wanted, this bright baby girl of 5 that packed up her suit case and decided that she was going on a trip to Hollywood to see if she could meet the real Barbie and convince her that all the dolls should have pets I laughed until the cab arrived for her the girl of mine had the tenacity that would keep me on my toes daily. My daughter had been constantly bombarding me with why, and why not, this child used tactics like well every one else is going, no one else has to do chores, there is no real reason you don’t let me go you just want to keep me in the house. I have a lot of home work all week I just want to have some kind of fun, I am bored to death why can’t you just let me go, you don’t love me, because if you did my friends wouldn’t think I’m such a loser, and how about the, If I clean my room and do my chores can I go. This child is 13 and not a month after her birthday she was asking if she could date. I thought well that takes the cake we have established rules in our household and they are there for the protection of the whole family as a guide so they can be healthy productive citizens I reminded her but then of course the times are changing and the phone can be used as a safety device or a device of moral destruction, so I started receiving all of these calls as to when my daughter could meet her friends at the local hang out, I had no idea my daughter knew so many teens and to my surprise some of the parents were asking if I was dropping my child off at the same time then they would be glad to either take my child or they would drive them there. I had turned off the phone after the 18th call I granted my 12 year old daughter a cell phone although it was against my better judgment she had already been hard at work on that campaign with the safety issues of how I could call her immediately after school and pick her up precisely at any given point, how there would be no question of my accessibility to her whereabouts my husband had already lobbied her point the night before (dads and daughters that is a whole other story,) So for her 12th birthday she got a cell phone I was sure that she was too young but the odds of winning that battle were against me safety won out hands down As I sat there listening to the long drawn out teen drama that was playing out in my living room I came to the conclusion that all the problem was that peer pressure had infiltrated my home not only had my daughter forgotten our rules but the people on the other side of the phone did not even know the rules so I was fighting a losing battle and I did not even know when peer pressure had managed to sneak in. Yes I was late to realize that the melodramatic situation of how I did not in my daughter’s words love her enough to be flexible was in full play. I was also in a battle with her friends who flanked her by the menacing questions of why can’t you go when her friends called. It came to me suddenly, yes the solution to the problem so I turned calmly towards my daughter and said you may hand me your phone, you may not go out to that teen place tonight, or even tomorrow night you may ask me again when you are 15 and then I may consider your growth in the mature department and then I will make that decision accordingly, I then proceeded to tell her that her room needed a good cleaning the dishes needed to be put up and that her laundry had to be folded and if she was still board that there was only the task of asking me and I would be more than happy to oblige her boredom with a list of what I had for her to do in chores. The whole room became silent she handed me the phone and the problem was solved, no not everyone was happy and I did not get a goodnight kiss or hug for a couple of weeks but the whole thing just went away as quietly as it had snuck into my home. I have my 13 year old back and she has somehow remembered that I was in charge I just plainly and simply said no and life goes on. I am preparing myself for the next time but the icing on the cake was that my daughter gave me a hug and a kiss the other night after I had given her phone back I also gave her rules to go with it, and every night since then I get the phone back at 9:00PM
Food for the Mind
Lilly’s Way
lillysway