Lilly Sway

As the summer days have slipped by so has the overwhelming feelings of despair, and ineptness of my capabilities that had so taken over me regular happy self. I can sometimes loose and just plain give in to the down side when I feel my self drowning and tunnel vision sets in. I have managed to stay afloat and continue to fight the good fight, I had thought that I had lost the means by which to write my sorrows or my happy times, but  now I have found that  it was just my ability to be able to set things aside that really can’t be changed.

I am still looking for work and several options have come up,I have been hard at work looking for work and I have come across a vast world of unknowns, and just when I thought I was on the right track to finding a job a person who interviewed me last month said to me (”in all confidence that most every employer of today wants an inexpensive hire,  young, energetic, freshly schooled with no bad habits, just smart enough to do what they are told with no challenges. Formidable individuals to fill in those vacant spots on there job board postings. Most of all there was the age factor that was a strong minus in my job searches and that I should not get my hopes up to high when I look for a position.”)

Wow what a way to make you feel that if you reach a certain age your worthless. (I am only 50), how is it that I can be lumped into that stigma, the one that was not mentioned in that statement, the one that this person assumed I fit into. I do not have bad habits I do not now nor have I ever indulged in things that could bring harm to  my body, soul  or mind  much less would it be fair to assume that at 50 I have nothing to offer the working class of today. I have been able to raise my children to be careful thinkers, compassionate individuals, confident attributes to society. I have also all the while run my husbands clerical work duties for our self owned business and all the while cooked, cleaned, washed,and maintained our home.

Ethics for work and life are achieved through ones diligence and experiences not just through or limited to ones age. I felt a punch in not only my ego, but I truly felt angry. I am a great person to know a hardworking person at what ever I do and yet I do not fit into the hire able  round, because some one has labeled me (square) to just simply say that I am doomed because, I am not of a certain criteria or,”formidable age and style” I do not fit the expectations of  what they think would be a good individual to hire.

I really don’t look fifty- plus, in fact I was asked to verify my resume information and make changes that were found to be inaccurate in it. When I asked the human resources individual as to what errors she was referring(I was wondering if I had in-fact misspelled something, or given a wrong telephone number) she said that she thought there was a typo on the age section so that I should fix it. I said oh no it was correct. she then said well, that will be all that they needed and she would let me know if I was chosen, that is when she said to me just let me give you a bit of advice and proceeded to tell me the aforementioned information.

I think that just that bit of information brought me to a stand still I lost my exuberance and my zeal to find a way for my family to have a household income that could save our home, our lively hood, and my sanity. I  have wallowed in self pity and let that person steal my self worth,  and why did  I  do that, because she was in charge of what could be my future at that moment. She obviously thought me to old and maybe she just disregarded my experiences and work ethic Invaluable because of my age,  what a crock, but I am still hopeful that there are people who will see the determination and hardworking individual before they look at my age.

I have applied to 648 jobs online and 24 jobs in person there has been a line at every human resource office and no less than 40 people applying to the same position that I am there for.  I have taken 38 test and stood for 3 and a half hours plus just waiting for my turn. I clean houses, pick up odd jobs, take extra kids on the school run,  and above all else I have not given up hope that there will be a position for me out there. That I can help our family remain in our home, and not loose the battle,  to just at this point live properly with food, light, gas, and water. Even though this person just thought she was doing me a favor by letting me “know” is heartbreaking to say the least.

I believe my self to be honest, helpful, and strong. I shall overcome what is wrong even if it is not what ” they” think of what I can or can not do at my “age”. I was knocked down and I have been dealt a blow but I am able to dust myself off and keep pushing forward. I am reminded of my mother saying to me “darling if you put value in everything people say is wrong with you, and forget who you really are, you could find yourself buried in doubt, and never do the things your supposed to do. ” I guess I was lost but that is over now. watch out.  I am on track and I will overcome.

Food For the Mind

Lilly Sway