Kids Keep us in Check
I think that I mentioned to you that I had a child with asthma at one time or another, fact is that I have more than one with asthma. I am often reminded how fragile life really is when there is an asthma related incident in our home. It is down right nightmarish. This is one of those such incidents I tell you this because there are few things that scare me in this life, but most assuredly, I fear that one of my children will leave this world before me, that is just one of the most unnatural things in this world, and it is a parents worst nightmare.
I have been in a panic mode, battling down the hatches so to speak, I am chasing my tail these days putting out one fire after the other, My husband is still in the keep moving forward mode because we are still at the point where all could most possibly be lost. When I say (all) I mean the things like our home, our car, our required insurance, and the familiarity of what we like to call a safe zone our neighborhood. This is where our children have known nothing else but the norm, and where I would like to one very far day away from now die.
I am trying to do my best and can get overwhelmed. I know that I am not the only one to live this, and that these adverse circumstances will and have been going on for many of you out there. I also know the unjustness and the nightmare it would be to move, for anyone to have to leave that what they know or love. Of course there are not many people who those things affect accept those who have to live through it. Many of my friends have gone through this restructure and the worst is that there are no saves out there for those who just cannot find work.
In all honesty I have been looking for a full year. Next month will be the anniversary of looking for work one year. I clean others homes do this, and that to help out, buy and sell things, and just plain keep busy. I make a dollar here and there but the waves of need always surpass the waves of have. I buy my sons medication once a month cash a single disk for asthma that saves his life and keeps him in the regular maintenance so there are no regular attacks cost $240.00 a month and then when there is an attack the cost to see a doctor or to luck out and get a prescription is about $400.00 a house payment or someones car note.
My son had one of the worst attacks that he has undergone in a while, and he is still coughing, although he is now out of danger. I worry right now, about the next time. I never have all of the answers here lately. I have no answers to our problems, but I am still trying to remain positive. When my eleven year old had this attack I held his hand, and cared for him until he was better like so many other times, and one of those nights, I recalled when he was little that he would say “hey mom lets trade you give me your arthritis and I will give you my asthma, but for just a little while that way I will be well enough to study hard, become a scientist, and then I will find a cure for both of us”.
We would laugh at that and put are heads together and then close our eyes and wish as hard as we could. He would always say he felt better even though I knew he really did not. I reminded him of those days this time when he was ill. He put his forehead on my head and said that we should try it, so we did, and then he fell asleep in my arms like when he was very small. He is a lot bigger now and has become quite a comic in our home. When he woke up he asked if I could move so he could get to the treatment machine, as I did he said hey mom I am not happy with the out come of our trading I still can’t breathe and now my knee hurts too. I think I was gypped.
I laughed as I cooked up some breakfast and had a hard time not smiling all day, he reminded me that there are much more important things to struggle for and gave me a renewed fighting spirit. I was loosing, but now I want to try harder, and work smarter, and just plain keep on going. I was put back into that lets try again mode, that we can do our best today and everyday mode, I was put in check and so I will put in another application, and never stop trying today or any other time, I know that I have to keep him safe and healthy so that he can become what ever it is he wants to become tomorrow.
Food For the Mind!
Lilly’s Sway www.lillysway.com
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