Family Can Be Great, Even If They Are In-Laws
Family can really be the best medicine in a persons life and I am sometimes very lucky to have that. I had the good fortune to see my younger brother in -law this evening he is really a great person. He is also one of the most compassionate people I have ever met I was 18 years old when I first met my husbands little brother he was only eleven then. He was funny and a really great kid.
As our lives and families changed and grew he was basically a permanent fixture in my home through his teens, and then when he married we stood in their wedding, and we were there when his children who are almost completely grown now were born. I love my sister in-law also, she was just right for him and has really been a great person to him. He became blind several years back and I can say even when he can see nothing with his eyes he can always asses a situation or an event clearly, and his summation is always on target and then never going off half cocked he can find a resolve for it.
He came to see us today because he heard that I was not able to get around like usual and that he in his words might need to give me some”cheering up”. He gave me all the good memories and the bad, as if I was there he recounted all the greatness he saw of us as his role models. I called him a suck up and then we both laughed. He said even when he lost his sight when I spend time with him I always treat him as if he can see. My descriptions were never confusing to him because when we went out, or shopping we could always relate to or refer to something we both had seen or done together. Today he said he was going to return the favor.
And here I thought all those years he was with us he was just trying to be a pain in the but, No it was preparation for his blindness he said to me, even when we none of us new that he was going to loose his sight. In all fairness the when he lost his sight was not a good time but that fact that he was lucid and not an older person just made it tolerable for him to reference the experiences we shared and it always gave him something he could relate to very well. My bother in-law is in his 40’s and has been as close to me as if he and I were brother and sister and that my husband was the in-law.
I say this in jest because since my husband was the oldest my brother in-law idolized his older brother. But if I were allowed to choose a great friend and even a brother this person would be who I would pick. I was glad he and his family came to see us, and even more glad to say that they stayed to have supper with us. We visited for half the day which really felt as if only a couple of hours had passed. He asked me to be strong and never feel sorry for my self. I just listened as he gave me a speech that he said came from one of the wisest people he had ever met.
My brother in-law asked me to stay the same person as always no matter what, and not accept this card dealt to me through my health. He said that there are plenty of miraculous things in this day and time to help individuals who are in my situation health care or not. I felt as if I had heard that speech before, but I still listened to him. He went on to say that only when there is a need for something, can there be a solution. I looked at him a little perplexed and he then went on to say all the years that we had a in our younger years had given us a base from which to accept that when a devastating blow strikes you In your life time, It does not mean that it has to be devastating to you for a lifetime.
OK, double talk, is it now? I asked. He said “no I know the strengths you possess and you have always been a God send to me in my lowest of times as I learned how to live as a blind person”, He told me that he learned from me to travel with the family as if I could see, and to never just sit around and think that because he was sightless that he could not see. I sat there and remembered when he first lost his sight how scared he was, and how he grew strength as time went on, and then now a very confident self sufficient individual who can cook sew and tell you who is in the room even when not a word has been spoken.
I had been in so much pain these last few days that my husband who is home from work for a while bought take out all of the last few days. I am really having a rough time, but I have paid close attention to my body and I have found only when I get up and then sit over and over I have more pain. And when I stand for a longer period of time I can manage to get my chores done. So if I do not repeat the sit and stand routine I gain progress in my day. I have new tennis shoes they are very thick in the sole and take the shock before the walking motion can catch up to my knees.
I am trying really hard I am not to fond of take out, and then there is the cost, so I do have motivation, but I have also found that there is always another day and that my chores can take longer than usual, so I have slowed down the production line quite a bit. I have not dusted in a couple of weeks and was very embarrassed from the way my home appeared to be not the presentable way it should be for company. My brother in-law is blind, but my sister in-law and her daughter are not. I was trying to apologize for the lack of tidiness in the home when my brother in-law just said to me that he always sees the same old house we had in his mind the one where the kitchen and bathroom were the only other rooms in the home and the living room /bedroom /dining room were ten feet away.
I laughed at that and then said hey you did not go blind until ten years ago and we have lived here well beyond that time, He turned towards me and said that when he imagines any thing at all in his mind the first thing to come to him is the best or happiest place that he has ever been so that when anything is described to him his memory will immediately relate to that particular place, and then he said “I grew up there and my brother and you were there for me when I needed you, so I can describe that place to anyone as if I can still see”. “It was always home to me, and any home that you have had since then is the same to me home. so don’t go on about what is not done on the house, because we are here to see you, and be here for you not a thing else except maybe a another cup of coffee”.
I had a great time and I remembered that family can be great even if they are in-laws.
Food For The Mind
Lilly’s Way www.lillysway.com
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