I am in awe of my 16 year old daughter’s strengths. I am a parent with concern sometimes, but not always because of those very strengths. I do not want to loose her to the ignorance that has become a prevalent matter any and every where. the closeness that she and I have bonded through out her life is what I base how we can get through a rough patch in our lives. She is finding out in her 2nd year of high school just how much prejudice hate and that just plain bigotry exists just in our small community, and in her In her school. There are people who use stupid reasons to spread that kind of turmoil. How our surface is not at all what the real substance of a person is. My daughter has come face to face with just pure inbred hate that people harbor in, way deep down. I must remind you again that at 16 she has for the first time seen what other children have been taught and it is not pretty.
Humanity should be blind and just, as I have taught her and as I believe. There are no colors, statures of economics, or religions when it comes to accepting a human being for what they bring to the world. At least that is what I was taught by my mother. I have taught all of my children never to ever judge a person by anything presented to them from the outside, only listen to what comes out from the inside and then they would know who is who, and what is what about a person.
My sweet darling beautiful daughter was born to two complex individuals, whose strong characters have produced with out a doubt a compassionate, loving, confident, strong willed, self assured, no nonsense, baby girl. I knew and could foresee the trouble we would have as clearly as the day that I live with her right now. My daughter is so sure that what she has planned out in her life from day to day and even to her old age will transpire as sure as when she speaks of the days to come as if there is no possible way that she could fail or go wrong even when it is apparent that things have gone wrong. She is joyous to the day and to everyone never with out a smile.
Admirable or not it is a strength you may or may not agree with. You know the strength that some of us are just born with, well she is that person. I have never worried of outside influence where ever she was concerned. She always just absorbed the good, ignored the bad and helped those she could along the way, but on that note, she has always jumped in both feet first with out even a glance towards what could, or might be at the end of the jump. When she was two years old on the first day of swimming ever for her, she jumped in the pool with her life vest on and then when she saw her 8 year old brother jump in without a vest on she immediately wanted hers off. I said when you learn how to swim you may take it off or you may let me take it off and I will take you any where in the pool.
My daughter conceded to that I could take her in with out it(but only long enough for me to take the vest off, then she ran off to jump into the deep side. When I reached her she was swimming for the edge she said I can swim mommy I don’t need that thing on me. I can swim. That was only the beginning, she was told that snacks were for after meals at three AM one morning I woke up to see her sitting at the table finishing a box of Oreos she was ill, I was angry at who gave her the cookies(either my son, or my husband), when I asked who gave them to her she said “I got them mommy’. I looked in the pantry I said there is no way you could have gotten them, they were in the top shelf behind the cereal, my pantry requires me a stool to reach that far back, or that high she just went up to the pantry climbed each shelf as if it were no task at all. She always can get what she wants from where ever she wants to she said to me.
I knew that it would take brain not brawn to cope with this child, who would not flinch to a scolding then not even stop when she thought she was right about what she decided she wanted at what ever the cost. I held my breath when I saw her climb that food pantry cabinet it was a wonder to me how she could have gotten the idea that she could just get up there. I took her Bobo away that evening It was a stuffed lamb that she would bring the house down for, if it was bed time and he was nowhere to be found. I said she could have it back when she promises to never ever climb again.
She said if I left the cookies where she could reach them, then she would not have to go way up there for them. I took Bobo to bed with me, she cried for three hours then came in to my bedroom promised to never climb the pantry again. My daughter did not scream or have a fit she just cried, and cried in a quiet muffled crying way. When she stopped and came into my bedroom she said to me that she decided that Bobo was better than Oreos. I held my word gave Bobo back to her hoping she to would keep her promise and not climb. This was the easy, I thought she is a thinker, she will be able to solve her own problems when she grew older (well that’s what I thought anyway). As she grew she climbed the roof, a tree where no one could reach her for hours never you mind her not asking for a thing ever, not even how to tie her shoes, she watched Barny on her brothers tape and rewound it until she could do it herself. Potty training was a breeze. When she got ill not even a whimper towards taking the medicine.
I am reminded that she was hospitalized when she was 4 she had a sinus infection, that came from a filled pocket at the sinus cavity due to a deviated septum, she ran 106 temperature and went into convulsions, They saved my daughter at the Texas Children s Hospital. I sat with her every day and night that she was there. I saw her take shot after shot and blood test after blood test with no objection. I was ready to burst into tears after the second day of that grueling regimen, but she said that the nurse told her that there was a German (the nurse said germ) inside of her and they needed to find it so that she could get well and go home. when they found that she was harboring a face full of toxic mucus due to the deviated septum she was then given the proper antibiotics and we went home after a scary week and a half.
When we got home she said I hope to never go back there mommy because I never saw the German that they took out of me, but I was so tired of the way they looked for him. I am grateful that they were able to get her well so fast. I learned from her everyday we were there her calmness she smiled at everyone even though they were coming for blood, she wanted to play in the childcare’s play room even though she did not have the strength to get out of bed, she was anxious to see her desert when the meal brought jello and not pudding but ate what ever they brought. But I learned that children are the most fearless, optimistic, and loving people on this earth. My child knew at that age nothing of the existence of prejudice, hate, intentional malice, or contempt. She was an innocent. Which brings me to what has changed her.
I stood in line at the grocers with my daughter today as we do after school on many occasion in this day in time, to buy and use our coupons for the sale item to expensive to buy with out a coupon. The line was long and the wait was with people in a hurry to get what they needed and get out of the store. Today was not that day the line had not moved in about 2 minutes an eternity if you are in a hurry and even more so in today’s world of instant everything.The hold up in our line was a couple of people paying for their groceries with pennies, nickels, and dimes. We were in a store close to her school and there were many of her peers getting drinks and snacks after practice or what ever teens buy. The bad thing started when whispers and snarls started a bombardment of comments towards the teen and her mother that were in old worn out clothes and paying with coin for there items the amount was $42.00 dollars. They were counting as fast as they could but the fact is that it was time consuming. We all have to do what we must to survive this economic cloud of damnation for those who live on the edge of poverty that line to which some are oblivious.
The line was getting agitated and people were starting to make personal comments that I will not repeat for just the sake of not stooping to those levels of Mal educated words used to injure others(frankly the things people say in the world of today sear right to the core of a person). The final draw that brought my daughter to yell out “hey you guys please they are trying their best here”(they really were the teen in tears the mother frantically counting and the cashier red as an apple). I turner just in time to see her angry really angry she said I go to school with you and oh my God where do you get off, I mean being in a bad way or needing an extra moment can’t and should not cost a person their dignity.
The line got quiet, but what transpired next were insults then directed toward us, my daughter and I. The lady and her daughter were out of the store soon enough but the comments and accounting of their apparent struggle was left to uncaring, inbred(no one and I mean no one should ever be subject to being told and I quote”you people should crawl in a whole and die), ignorant malicious people who were angry to have waited 3 and a half minutes to get their instant service! The manager then came over to my daughter not any one else and asked “is there a problem here mam”?Before she could say a word the manager continued and asked us to check out at another register so that things could go faster for the other people in line. She started to move our things into the basket we had just unloaded on to the counter.
I just said no thanks we would not be in need of those items after all and my girl and I left. My daughter asked me why we were leaving when the people there were clearly the problem. I told my daughter that there are many many people like those who partook in that deplorable display and that they can not see clearly like she can their vision is clouded, misconstrued, and just plane wrong, they have prejudice, hate, and self importance ahead of understanding, compassion, and humanity.
My daughter was still angry when we got to the car “she said mom you know that that manager lady saw everything not just my outburst” she was angry with her peers who she thought were good people and had joined in at the chastising of those who did not have what ever it is they think was important. I said let that be a lesson to you doll, that the wright thing to say or do is not always the most popular thing to do or say. I left and did with out my groceries today not out of fear or but out of protest to the apparent. I did not mind so much leaving with out what I had originally gone to the store for because, I was leaving with far more than I could have imagined. I feel that I have the honor of having produced a compassionate humane individual with out even trying. There is hate and prejudice on the television in the news, and if you are not to busy with your life you could just pretend that it does not affect you, but it does. To be humane is to love your fellow man (or woman) with out regard to whether they are of any different at all, that should and must include religion, race color or creed and it most certainly includes indigent or wealthy.
My daughter says that she will be picked on and laughed at for a couple of days and that not all of those who were there will ever be her friends again. She said that she was heart broken to see what some of the people she called friends could say to her and that lady with out so much as a thought. I said that maybe they will cross a path one day and be on the other side of those hurtful comments, but that to travel a road with good company is always better than to hang around with bad company.
Food For the Mind
Lilly’s Way www.lillysway. com
