Lilly Sway

I am motivated to share a view I have on an encounter that transpired a few months ago as I was trying to earn a dollar, I call it. I was helping someone to clean out there garage and had been hired to do the house cleaning on a once every two weeks or so when needed I was asked if I was interested in buying all of the baby clothes of a child size 2 for a boy I politely said that I knew no one who could use them and then went on cleaning up the garage and never gave the clothes a second thought.

I left that garage as requested clean as a whistle, then I sat down to a lunch that I brought with me, because if you have ever cleaned a garage out that had more than five years of accumulated items you automatically know that it will be an all day job. As I It was very hot I found a shady spot under a tree next to the home I was working at. I heard talking and assumed my employer had company, so I continue on with my lunch.

I was half way through my lunch when the a voice got closer to me. It was the woman who hired me on the phone, she had come to sit at the chair next to the window to use the phone. I was facing the window she saw me as I was there eating, but she assumed that the window was sound proof , because as I gestured that I was eating, I put my sandwich up to say so, she nodded and then proceeded with her conversation. This is where it got ugly.

My employer was hosting a conversation with someone. I have no idea who, but this is what I heard and very sadly I must admit that I happened to be a person who has a great hearing ability. This person was speaking about me, she said to her counterpart on the phone how great a person I was, to have almost finished the garage and it was not even noon. I was fully intending to move as I then felt uncomfortable being privy to her private conversation, but what she said next made me sit there, and  it made me sick to my stomach.

“Yes I tell you she is great but snobbish as hell how dare she turn her nose up at my offerings up all of Joe”s toddler clothing!” “This is probably a woman on her last dollar and you know that they always need everything, just who does she think she is saying no to my wanting to help her out”. I was dumb founded Should I have said yes and have those clothes shoved down my throat even if no one I know could use them?

I did not think so, not then nor do I now. My employer of the day went on to say “in her shoes at her station in life practically destitute, yes I can tell from the lack of attention to her cuticles and her hair graying, with out so much as a tint from a box from a drug store or what ever people like her use, these people should take anything offered to them, to show gratitude for at minimal the thought given her”. she went on and said “what a bad idea it was to have hired that pathetic person in the first place, you know all these people are the same they don’t know their station in life”.

She smiled at me through the window and went right on telling the person on the other end of the line that “she had decided the moment that I refused her help that she would not use me other than today”. She said “why try to help people who may be on drugs, or alcoholics, or maybe even just looking at your things to come and rob you later” ” You know they are all drug addicts or something of that nature”. (I in all fairness to that remark it was totally unfounded, I answered  to an add, in my neighborhood for this job, and it is less than half a mile away from my very home. She called my prior customers to verify my capabilities no less other neighbors of mine and hers.

I felt a heat rise through my back as if on fire, poor or in need makes no difference how you say it, you, me and any one in need of help is lumped in to a group of people who do no good in this life. I was offended and felt that yes anyone and everyone should have the right to their opinion as this woman most certainly does. I on the other hand feel that founded judgment is the only way one should destroy a persons dignity. I was not asking for anything, not a hand out, not a give me anything, on the contrary my full intention was to earn a dollar the old fashion way (work for it).

I could have been all of those things that her mind ran to, but I was a person who needs work, just plain old fashioned work, so what to do? no what did I do, I finished my lunch, finished my job, and then told her that I had received a call for a more permanent job and would not be available to help out as planned, she said” oh let me know if it does not work out. I really could use a person who does quality work like you around”. I just said that I was grateful to know a person in her station of life, because it keeps one grounded.

I was seething, and would not ever set foot near that person not ever again. I am in need but I am hard working, decent, humble, and not indulging in my “addictions” because I have none. I have rethought all of my conversation to the clothing that I was offered. I was very polite, and truly I know not one person who has a boy the age of who the clothing was for. I have my station in life I know it well I am a person in this world who at this time needs to help out financially in any way possible, for keeping our home is our first priority at the moment.

I know not all people are the same, and I feel sorry for people like this person, misinformed, uneducated in the facts of this countries economic state, prejudice to people of poverty, and who knows not a station in life that she would be tolerated to belong to. I am still trying to work hard at what ever comes my way, I eat my lunch in the car, hot or not. I do not want to know who else may think as this person thinks, and I play the car radio so as to not ever hear how rude or how nice people can be when they think you can not hear them talk about you. It was a conversation never meant for a person in my station in life to have heard.

Why? well I have warned you all,  and maybe , those who have been on either side of that conversation would rethink how your perceptions of others may be wrong. We all need each other.

Food For The Mind

Lilly”s Way        www.lillysway.com

As the years have gone by I have had good and bad times like a lot of you, and I am sure that there are those of you that have had much better and much worse than I. My love of writing and sharing came to me when I had thoughts that I knew could maybe help others who have had similar situations in their lives to my life and maybe need a different perspective on how to survive the occurrence. I know that people out there are all different and not all of my opinion is good for everyone.

On that note I will say to you that at the time of need, real need, an opinion, or a heart felt suggestion may be all that some one needs to get through a rough spot in their lives, and maybe just maybe a feeling that they are not the first person ever to suffer what is transpiring at this time in their individual lives. I love to read and I might add I love to read everything for there is fact and fiction alike in the real world and it makes us laugh, cry, feel sad, or good, or maybe it just makes us forget the immediate trouble at hand.

For me the truth is that I love to immerse myself in the reality of what is around me and I really think that this world needs that, for in my opinion I see apathy for most any piece of conversation that can be brought up and it truly disturbs me to see that. Of course I do not mean that everyone is that way but a disturbing part of us are. I know I have to sight what I am saying for some of you so here goes case in point the “oil spill” my neighbor “oh well those people will eventually get what they deserve”, the cashier at the grocers” I am so tired of this heat and all the parking spots taken for the handicap everywhere!”, our barber ” I wish that those darn beggars would move to another corner and just give my customers a break”, my daughters teacher “the system of today is so fowled up I had to retire to get my full benefits”, my nephews wife “, I wish the war was over before my baby is born. I asked each what can you do to change any of the above all and I mean all replied that is just the way it is and we have to take it.

I know that the war is supposed to stop soon I feel we can not thumb our nose at our responsibility to leave (eventually), and the the system is off its keel but if we all just get the benefits for the sake of it when will the real reason for teaching our young people be good enough, and oh yes the beggars should not scare us to death so that another corner would be nice for one, but what about the real problem that the beggar is a displaced individual in our society down on his luck and knows not what else to do?, and that parking in this heat is a night mare yes it is (imagine having to stay in that heat ten minutes longer to unload your wheel chair). I am just saying that while my opinion may not suit all, most of the times an opinion is maybe warranted sometimes.

I have had opinions that are not so nice I am not a know it all. I just happen to want to share with those of you who need a different opinion on something or other. But I read what I can and I get quite a lot of the good ones that are out there sharing as I do and oh well what a great world we live in to have the availability to do so. With that I will say tell me you like it, or tell me you hate it I can live with it. I do not have to publish all nasty comments though, and that is my opinion.

Food For The Mind

Lilly”s Way   www.lillysway.com

Family can really be the best medicine in a persons life and I am sometimes very lucky to have that. I had the good fortune to see my younger brother in -law this evening he is really a great person. He is also one of the most compassionate people I have ever met I was 18 years old when I first met my husbands little brother he was only eleven then. He was funny and a really great kid.

As our lives and families changed and grew he was basically a permanent fixture in my home through his teens, and then when he married we stood in their wedding, and we were there when his children who are almost completely grown now were born. I love my sister in-law also, she was just right for him and has really been a great person to him. He became blind several years back and I can say even when he can see nothing with his eyes he can always asses a situation or an event clearly,  and his summation is always on target and then never going off half cocked he can find a resolve for it.

He came to see us today because he heard that I was not able to get around like usual and that he in his words might need to give me some”cheering up”. He gave me all the good memories and the bad, as if I was there he recounted all the greatness he saw of us as his role models. I called him a suck up and then we both laughed. He said even when he lost his sight when I spend time with him I always treat him as if he can see. My descriptions were never confusing to him because when we went out, or shopping we could always relate to or refer to something we both had seen or done together. Today he said he was going to return the favor.

And here I thought all those years he was with us he was just trying to be a pain in the but, No it was preparation for his blindness he said to me, even when we none of us new that he was going to loose his sight. In all fairness the when he lost his sight was not a good time but that fact that he was lucid and not an older person just made it tolerable for him to reference the experiences we shared and it always gave him something he could relate to very well. My bother in-law is in his 40’s and has been as close to me as if he and I were brother and sister and that my husband was the in-law.

I say this in jest because since my husband was the oldest my brother in-law idolized his older brother. But if I were allowed to choose a great friend and even a brother this person would be who I would pick.  I was glad he and his family came to see us, and even more glad to say that they stayed to have supper with us. We visited for half the day which really felt as if only a couple of hours had passed. He asked me to be strong and never feel sorry for my self. I just listened as he gave me a speech that he said came from one of the wisest people he had ever met.

My brother in-law asked me to stay the same person as always no matter what, and not accept this card dealt to me through my health. He said that there are plenty of miraculous things in this day and time to help individuals who are in my situation health care or not. I felt as if I had heard that speech before, but I still listened to him. He went on to say that only when there is a need for something, can there be a solution. I looked at him a little perplexed and he then went on to say all the years that we had a in our younger years had given us a base from which to accept that when a devastating blow strikes you In your life time, It does not mean that it has to be devastating to you for a lifetime.

OK, double talk, is it now? I asked. He said “no I know the strengths you possess and you have always been a God send to me in my lowest of times as I learned how to live as a blind person”, He told me that he learned from me to travel with the family as if I could see, and to never just sit around and think that because he was sightless that he could not see. I sat there and remembered when he first lost his sight how scared he was, and how he grew strength as time went on, and then now a very confident self sufficient individual who can cook sew and tell you who is in the room even when not a word has been spoken.

I had been in so much pain these last few days that my husband who is home from work for a while bought take out all of the last few days. I am really having a rough time, but I have paid close attention to my body and I have found only when I get up and then sit over and over I have more pain. And when I stand for a longer period of time I can manage to get my chores done. So if I do not repeat the sit and stand routine I gain progress in my day. I have new tennis shoes they are very thick in the sole and take the shock before the walking motion can catch up to my knees.

I am trying really hard I am not to fond of take out, and then there is the cost, so I do have motivation, but I have also found that there is always another day and that my chores can take longer than usual, so I have slowed down the production line quite a bit. I have not dusted in a couple of weeks and was very embarrassed from the way my home appeared to be not the presentable way it should be for company. My brother  in-law is blind, but my sister in-law and her daughter are not. I was trying to apologize for the lack of tidiness in the home when my brother in-law just said to me that he always sees the same old house we had in his mind the one where the kitchen and bathroom were the only other rooms in the home and the living room /bedroom /dining room were ten feet away.

I laughed at that and then said hey you did not go blind until ten years ago and we have lived here well beyond that time, He turned towards me and said that when he imagines any thing at all in his mind the first thing to come to him is the best or happiest place that he has ever been so that when anything is described to him his memory will immediately relate to that particular place,  and then he said “I grew up there and my brother and you were there for me when I needed you, so I can describe that place to anyone as if I can still see”. “It was always home to me, and any home that you have had since then is the same to me home. so don’t go on about what is not done on the house, because we are here to see you, and be here for you not a thing else except maybe a another cup of coffee”.

I had a great time and I remembered that family can be great even if they are in-laws.

Food For The Mind

Lilly’s Way            www.lillysway.com